If you are thinking about divorce and live in the San Diego area I could tell you who might be the best attorney to use if things are hostile; or who are the best mediators to use if you can resolve your issues while sitting in the same room. But before you think about divorce as an option I want to let you know what you and your family would be in for. This article is intended for moms who have children. Couples who go their separate ways after discovering incompatibilities will hopefully learn from their mistakes and do better next time. But those who have children will never really move on; your children keep you together for the rest of your lives. So, in case you do not fear divorce as an option I would like to give you some things to think about…This is not intended for those of you who are living in a situation controlled by extreme circumstances like domestic violence or other criminal activities.
Have you tried everything?
I know that sounds like a silly question but I’m sure it is the same question you would ask one of your friends or even one of your kids if they told you they were thinking about a divorce. I was a divorce mediator only a short time when I realized most people do not want to get a divorce but don’t know what else to do. They tried everything and nothing seemed to work. And I hate to say it, but most couples who go to family therapists end up getting a divorce. So before you decide to get a divorce there is one more thing to try; and it is free (this doesn’t count as a commercial because I won’t make a dime). I developed a scientific system and wrote a book that has shed more light on marriage than any I have ever encountered. Many people have saved their own marriages by applying the principles and suggestions within; you can get the book by going to my website www.lessonsforahappymarriage.com
and downloading it whenever you wish. If the book doesn’t help you, write to me through the website and I’ll try to help you.
Guess who gets hurt the most in divorce?
I know you know the answer to that question. But we get so confused when our marriage is in trouble that it is easy to rationalize and start thinking it is better for the kids if they are not exposed to the tensions and fights; bull feathers! Maybe sometimes that is true, but not very often. Don’t let your kids’ welfare become your excuse for breaking up their family. Except in the most extreme situations it is simply not true. Kids need both of their parents and they need them together. When one parent is less present out of necessity, like off fighting for our country or struggling to make enough money to support the family, the other parent represents both. But when one parent is mad at the other and breaks the marital bonds the children watch their two pillared foundation go to war and vie for loyalty against the other foundational pillar. The model of loyalty and dedication is nowhere to be found in these scenarios. Yes, it is a good thing to stay together for your kids even if it is hard. It is even better to let your kids welfare motivate you to create a super marriage filled with love and harmony (It is in my book! )!
Divorce is a war waged on the soil of your souls
Our society has all kinds of rules and theories for winning conflicts; they all lead to the defeat of your enemy. So, after finding the man you want to marry and having a bunch of kids, you want to try getting along with someone else; as if you now have learned everything about being married and can do a much better job the second time? But first, you have to destroy the person you promised to love unconditionally for the rest of your life? But first you have to shatter the father of your children in their full view? Do you think his lawyer is going to let you do that? If you go the way most people go about getting a divorce you are establishing an adversarial relationship with the one person you actually committed to love honor and cherish. If that doesn’t come with a high cost nothing else does.
Its rarely too late!
You have free will and this is a cause and effect world. If you want to change yourself you have the power to do so. There is no need to be a doormat or be a monster. There is a need to take control over yourself because you are the only one you have any control over. You can change the things about yourself that are not marriage friendly or maybe self defeating. You have so much power and don’t know it! But you have to know how to apply that power. If you wanted to move a car you could do so by applying levers and such. Your frail body can do marvelous things when you know a little bit about physics. The same is true about making your marriage amazing. When you know a little bit about the science of marriage you can apply a little adjustment here and there and get marvelous results.