A. I am a family law attorney and mediator, specializing in helping couples and parents to stay out of court. As a mediator, I am the neutral intermediary hired to help couples reach agreements on all issues arising out of their divorce, from holiday and birthday visitation with children, child support and education costs, spousal support and all issues regarding division of the couple’s assets and debts. I have been practicing law for ten years and I have been mediating for over half of that time. Although my practice is primarily mediation, I also work with individuals in uncontested and some contested family cases.
Q. Do you offer a free initial consultation?
A. I offer a free 15 minute telephone consultation which helps to make sure I am the right kind of attorney or mediator for the person calling. Otherwise, when legal advice is needed, we set up a one hour meeting so I can start to get information needed to be able to give appropriate legal advice. I sometimes conduct the 15 minute consultation in person with mediation clients because there are three of us involved and it is sometimes better for all of us to meet together briefly, discuss the mediation process and make sure it is a good fit for me to be working with both individuals. I can’t tell you how important it is that both parties feel comfortable and confident with the mediator, so that they can both trust the process and feel good about the agreements that come out of it.
Q. I have engaged your services, what happens next?
A. Once a decision has been made to use my mediation services, we set up the initial 3-hour mediation session and I send out a list of documents and information to be gathered before we meet. At the first mediation, we work on completing the financial disclosures which are required in every divorce case and we work on finding and reaching agreements regarding custody/visitation, child support, spousal support and financial property settlements. I provide a lot of background information about California’s community property system and other laws relating to divorcing or separating couples and I work with the couple to reach agreements which truly work for their unique circumstances. We typically have between 2 and 3 mediation sessions before the agreement is signed, but it varies dramatically depending on the complexity of the issues. Many times, we have only one in-person session and other times we meet 6 or more times, but these are definitely not the typical cases.
Q. How long does it take for a divorce to become final?
A. It takes a minimum of 6 months from the time the divorce papers are filed in court and served. This is the 6-month waiting period, which has been called a “cooling off period,” to make sure that divorce is the right step to be taken and to provide time to get all the financial and other information gathered and to hopefully reach agreements together (as opposed to fighting in court hearings and court trials to reach a resolution). However, litigated divorces in which the couple does not work together but is using the court process to have motions, hearings and trials, may last several years and often do. This prolonged litigation, and the amount of fees paid to attorneys for this work, can have a very negative impact on the development and wellbeing of children as well as the adults involved in this type of ongoing battle. At the end of such battles, there are generally no winners and the negative feelings between the individuals have increased and that can make it very difficult to be good co-parents together.
Q. As a divorce mediator what do you do?
A. I work with couples to start the divorce process with the court and I explain the process and help guide the couple through the process, without having to go to court and without unnecessary conflict. I help the couple to discuss difficult issues, sometimes involving the emotional aspects of the separation, and I help provide creative options for settlement which the couple may not have considered previously. As a divorce mediator, I do not make decisions for the couple but I help them reach decisions that feel fair and balanced to the couple themselves. Every family has such unique circumstances regarding how they want to raise their children, what their needs are and what’s important to them that a one-size-fits-all approach does not usually address the specific needs of each family. I work to determine what everyone’s needs and interests are and figure out ways to help the couple reach agreements which will work for them in the short term and in the long term.
Q. Who is a divorce mediator?
A. Divorce mediators are typically either family law attorneys or therapists. A therapist/mediator may have useful skills for high-conflict parents where there are no issues regarding support or division of property. A family law attorney is usually better able to explain the legal aspects of the divorce, to run and discuss the details of support calculations and related tax consequences as well as the issues of community property, separate property tracing and reimbursements, retirements and employment benefits and other complex issues relating to the dissolution of the financial aspect of the marriage.
Q. What is a post-marital agreement?
A. A post-marital agreement is a property agreement between spouses who do not intend to divorce. It may be similar to a premarital agreement in terms of the agreements contained in the document, but there are special duties and obligations between spouses which means certain requirements must be met in order for a married couple to enter into an agreement regarding their existing property. The other type of agreement is a Marital Settlement Agreement, which is a property agreement between spouses who are divorcing.
Q. How are divorce meditation and pre nuptial agreements linked?
A. They can be linked in a couple ways. Many couples who choose to have a prenuptial agreement, agree ahead of time that they will stay out of court in the event of a divorce and that they will work together to reach agreements through mediation if that happens. The other way is that a prenuptial agreement can be mediated itself. As a family law mediator, I work with couples who would like to create their own premarital agreement together without any hostile negotiations before they get married and if any issues of disagreement arise during the marriage, they can come back to me to mediate any new terms which may be appropriate.
Q. How can one speed up divorce process?
A. By working together collaboratively through the mediation process, the couple is able to complete their financial disclosures and reach agreements together. If the couple chooses to litigate their disputes in court, the process can take between one and three or more years. It is not uncommon for litigated cases to still be actively fought four and five years after it was started. There are better ways to resolve these issues, including mediation or even the collaborative law process (where both parties have their own attorneys as well as mental health professionals and joint child development experts and financial experts and everyone signs an agreement to negotiate and stay out of court), rather than traditional, hostile litigation.
Q. Can either party prevent the entry of a divorce decree?
A. In California, we have a no-fault divorce system in which neither party has to provide a reason for wanting a divorce; it is sufficient to tell the court that “irreconcilable differences” have arisen and there is no hope of saving the marriage. Once the 6 month waiting period has passed, either party may request that the court terminate their marital status and restore them both to single persons. If there are pension plans or health insurance benefits or certain other very specific reasons, the court may make orders to deal with those issues which would be affected by the termination of the marital status, but otherwise there are no reasons for either party to prevent entry of a judgment allowing each of them to be single again. The court would still retain the authority to make orders regarding other issues (custody, support, property settlement, etc.) until a final judgment is entered on the remaining issues. And if one party does not want the final judgment on other issues made, the court will still make orders but it may take much longer to do it that way, than if they were working together.
