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Working At Your Marriage To Save Marriage |
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Marriage today is far more complex, unlike olden days people started questioning what they wanted out of their marriage. It is obvious that ‘until death do us apart’ means a lot longer than at any time of history. Despite all of the changes, most people enter marriage carrying with them many of the same beliefs appropriate for the previous traditional marriage. Hence, when they marry they often find that their traditional beliefs are ineffective, leaving them with few guidelines on how to be in a marriage. Today’s marriages more than any time in history, depend more upon communication, intimacy, relating, compromise, negotiation and understanding. Expectations in loving have similarly changed. Since love – making is no longer exclusively for the purpose for procreation, no longer just for man’s pleasure, and it is no longer expected that men be more knowledgeable and experienced then women, then couples expect more from one another, requiring greater communications between them. Since both sexes are equally able to perform nearly all of the tasks required in a marriage, neither has to depend on the other for these abilities. Therefore, the very basis for marriage changes from fulfilling certain functions to fulfilling emotional and psychological needs. In order to work on your marriage here are a few suggestions on how you can maintain long – term marriages:
- Be honest.
- Support one another’s goals and achievements.
- Respect each other.
- Take time to share dreams and goals on a regular basis with your spouse.
- Considering daily dialogue as means of improving your communication.
- Laugh together at least once a day.
- Fight fair.
- Be willing to forgive.
- Remember kindness towards each other is a great gift.
- Share your daily expectations.
- Make decisions about finances, disciplining the children, chores, vacations, etc. together.
- Take time to be alone together working on your intimacy. Schedule dates or romantic getaways.
- Separate emotionally from one’s childhood so as to invest fully in the marriage and, at the same time, redefine the lines of connection with both families of origin.
- Build togetherness based on mutual identification, shared intimacy and an expanded conscience that includes both partners, while at the same time setting boundaries to protect each partner’s autonomy.
- Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the incursions of the workplace and family obligations; it is the second part of this task which must not be overlooked or taken for granted.
- Embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of her majesty the baby’s dramatic entrance into the marriage. At the same time the couple must continue the work of protecting their own privacy.
- Confront and master the inevitable crisis of life and maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity and create a safe haven within the marriage for the expression of difference, anger and conflict.
- Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.
- Provide nurturance and comfort to each other, satisfying each partner’s need for dependency and offer continuing encouragement and support.
- Keep alive the romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of he changes wrought by time.
Marriage, like any other worthwhile endeavor, requires patience and practice. When there is difficulty, it may require outside help. Just as business may require a consultant, so too might a marriage. For there are additional dynamics in today’s marriages that must be incorporated into the mix. Maintaining a marriage is one of our most significant challenges. Hope these guidelines helped you to achieve it. |
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