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How to Overcome Shyness |
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Shyness is rooted in fear – an irrational fear of speaking up and being humiliated or ignored. Sometimes inaccurately called ‘social phobia’ shyness affects most people at some time in their lives. Young people in particular find overcoming shyness difficult as they improve their social skills. And for some, shyness seems to persist into adult life, almost as if it has become a ‘habit’. Why are some people so afraid of speaking out? The main causes are oversensitivity and insecurity. When you associate speaking out with pain and embarrassment, you’ll do almost anything to avoid it. Although most people think in terms of ‘overcoming shyness’, it is more likely that you will become comfortable in social situations by learning the strategies of self confidence along with social skills. Then, shyness is no longer the issue, as social nerves will melt away as a new ‘habit’ takes their place. Unfortunately, shyness is an enormous determinant to success. For people who share this problem, it’s important to understand the causes and work towards overcoming it.
You have to initially recognize these perceived slights for what they are – meaningless. When someone reacts to you negatively, don’t take it personally. Imagine the other person’s perspective. Considering the perspective of the other person makes it easier to put their reaction in the proper context.
It’s also essential to let go of bad experiences. The more you think about a bad experience, the more power you give it. Don’t blame yourself, think about something constructive.
Realize that other people are basically the same as you. Everyone is insecure and afraid of embarrassment. Other people usually aren’t smart as you think.
Don’t let one or two bad experiences dictate your entire opinion of humanity. People are friendly and interested in connecting with others. In most cases people will be thrilled that you took the initiative to break the ice.
You need to recognize the merit of your own thoughts and value they present to others. It’s ironic that the people most inclined towards shyness are often the most thoughtful. You need to share yourself with the world. Your brilliant insights don’t hold any value until they’ve enlightened someone else.
Force yourself to speak up, especially when you don’t want to. Sit in the front of the room and make yourself visible. Once you get used to opening up, you’ll notice how positively people react. This will build your self confidence and faith in the goodwill of others.
When you have a thought or idea that deserves to be heard, you’re not only hurting yourself by keeping quiet, you’re hurting the people around you. When you pass up the chance to excel because of shyness or the fear of failure, you’re hurting the group to shelter yourself.
Other people need you. They need your intelligence and insight. They need your help to work through problems. By hiding behind shyness, you limit the help you can give to your friends, family members, and colleagues.
So don’t keep your talent inside, share at every opportunity so it can grow and flourish.
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