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Communicating In a Marriage |
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“Sure communicating is important. But what does that mean? We talk. We hear each other. What else is there?” is what most of us think. The answer is Nothing, except when both of you are upset Communication with a capital C suddenly becomes important. In order to build communication skills that bring you closer at times of stress; first learn to spot when you or your partner’s emotions have been aroused, which should alert you to the need to ditch your usual responses and shift into a relationship – protective mode.
Here are some tips for good communication:
- Allow enough time – Plan a certain time each day for the entire family to be together to talk.
- Listen – Listening strengthens the relationship between folks by conveying messages of caring and respect.
- Check it out – If either your partner or you are feeling agitated or anything else it is better to check it out.
- Get inside the other person’s world.
- Keep it honest, be direct.
- Confronting in a relationship – protective mode – if your husband complains that your cooking is not good, don’t complain back at him just listen and give him pieces of information he needs to know: something like “When you tell me you don’t like my cooking, I lose confidence in my cooking ability and I feel hurt and criticized.”
- Be prepared – the more clearer you are the more easy to understand the issue.
- Listen like a mirror – Don’t be afraid to reiterate your understanding of your partner’s comments in a conversation.
- Pay attention to the Nonverbal communication – Notice the facial expressions, vocal tone, body posture and other nonverbal elements can be a big part of communication.
- Focus communication on Action.
- Stay on track.
- Realize that no one “wins” an argument. If you don’t leave a discussion with a possible solution to the problem, then neither party has been successful.
- Make sure the person you’re talking to is ready to hear what you’re saying.
- Give feedback if expectations aren’t met, even if the effort is good.
- Take responsibility to make your boundary needs clear.
- You must keep talking. That’s the only way to make progress.
- If you can’t come up with a definitive solution , at least try to end the conversation on a positive note like “I think it’s good we’ve both shared our feelings and we’ll continue to talk about it and try to come up with a better solution.”
Given below are the factors which hinder effective communication [communication blocks]:
- Rolling your eyes and looking resigned or exasperated when your spouse is talking.
- Sighing deeply and loudly when your spouse is sharing his/her viewpoint.
- Looking at your watch or a clock repeatedly.
- Not stopping what you’re doing when your spouse is trying to have a serious talk with you.
- Not making eye contact and not giving your partner your undivided attention.
- Using the time when your spouse is talking to think about other things unrelated to the conversation.
- Tuning your spouse out because you’ve heard the same thing repeatedly and are convinced it’s the same old speech.
- Becoming defensive and angry immediately instead of showing your partner the respect of hearing him/her out.
- Belittling your spouse, name calling, cursing, shaking or pointing a finger, or getting in his/ her face.
- Interrupting your partner before he/she is finished talking.
Try to be positive when bringing up sensitive marital problems. Instead of jumping right into a discussion, open by acknowledging that every partnership could be improved and you’d like to take some time and discuss the things that are working in your relationship and the areas that could use improvement. It helps to start by talking about positive things and then moving into deeper discussion on problem areas.
It is said that for every minute you are angry with someone, you lose sixty seconds of happiness that you can never get back. It just makes good sense to do everything you can to preserve the good will and intimacy of your marriage when conflict, anger, hurt feelings and disagreements occur.
If you truly love your partner; you will not want to rip him to shreds verbally, or to ignore or discount differing opinions and beliefs. You will want to do everything you can to ensure that you have quality communication in your relationship and that your are communicating your caring, love and respect to your spouse. |
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