Teens Need Their Space Too

Are you reading this article because you can’t seem to make any impression on your teen(s)? Do you find it hard to make them sit down and listen to you? You are not alone! Millions of parents are driven insane by their kids. Maybe you think that a teen is on the way to becoming an adult and he/she should start acting like an adult. But the truth is, a teen is not an adult and very rarely will he/she be equipped to think or act like one.

This is not to say that teens are egoistic brats who don’t care a damn for what their parents go through. They can be just the opposite, if you learn how to handle them. Pushing the right buttons can get a parent very far, when it comes to teenaged boys and girls.

One of these ‘green signals’ is allowing space. Most times, parents cramp their teens, in the fear that they will go astray. Kids are not allowed to watch TV late at night or to watch certain programs. Junk food and alcohol is banned from the house. ‘Don’t hang with that boy and that girl’ you say. Sometimes, such limits are necessary to keep the child on the right track but overdoing house rules can work in the opposite way.

If you don’t want to send your teen to that late night boy-girl party, instead of forbidding it altogether, you can explain to the teen why you are worried. It’s better to let your teen go if you think it’s harmless (and that you are worrying for no real reason), equipped with a curfew time. The limits must be set early on and not at the last minute. Also, by giving too much space, you are not doing yourself or your teen a favor. So strive for a reasonable balance.

In the same way, if you are worried about your teen associating a ‘bad example’, it’s best to tell the truth and warn your teen that his/her behavior and image can be affected. Teens are very loyal to their friends and look upon them as role models sometimes. So, preventing a teen from seeing his/her friend is not the best way to sort out a problem because there can be a way around it. Besides, you can’t hide your teen from the world-he/she is not a child anymore. It is better for your kid to know what is out there. 

Space works with teens because they feel a responsibility and a desire to live up to their parents’ trust. By affording space, you are telling them, ‘ok, I am telling you what to expect but you will have to judge the situation for yourself’. This can create mutual respect between parents and kids and lead to better understanding.

Giving space doesn’t necessarily mean removing boundaries. You should always have them and stand by them, no matter how much fuss you’ll have to endure from your teen. If you give way, it will be taken as a sign of weakness on your part and it will be difficult to stick to your guns later.

If your teen has disappointed you in any way, tell him/her so, rather than say “I told you so’ or go on about how they failed you. This will make a teen bitter. You need to know that he made a mistake but that he can do better next time. Again, give the teen room to dwell on what happened and to figure out what he did wrong. If you constantly nag about past mistakes, your kid will want to forget that it ever happened and will never really learn a lesson.