Remember You Were Once a Teen

 ‘Ahh, those good old days’ you say to yourself. You are probably referring to your school days/college days, when you were a teenager. But wait! Were they really all that great? What about the confusion, the house rules, and the scrapes you got into…What about that ‘awkward age’ when you were embarrassed about the changes taking place in your body? Actually, when you were young, life was still rather simple. Now it’s so different and much more complex. Fancy being a teen at these times? Err…!!

Forget the generation gap; it should not be too hard to imagine what your teen is going through in life. Of course there are many new things that you may not be familiar with but you will have an inkling of just how strange this time can be. Knowing this, do you afford any sympathy to your own teens? Most parents don’t. And when your kids grow up to be adults, they will probably not do so either.

Why then are we discussing this matter? Because, simply by relating to your own past, you can relate to your child and open the channels of communication. One of the biggest problems between teens and their parents is miscommunication, or at worst, lack of communication. Parents say one thing but the teen hears something else. There has been a lot of research on this topic but all you need to know is that remembering your teen years can help you reach out to your child.

It’s no use telling your teenaged daughter that you never played rough games with the boys and that you never talked back to your parents. That will not make much of an impression. It might even lead to the very typical teen response ‘But I’m not you!’ Instead, try a bit of empathy. It works on sons too but perhaps, you can leave that part to your husband.

Teens don’t want to hear that their parents were model children. They relate better to parents who admit they’ve made mistakes but learnt from them. You don’t have to spill all your past activities with the kids- showing some understanding and sympathy will do. Unless they’ve really messed up!

Actually, remembering yourself as a teen will help you and your spouse to feel better inside. All the frustration you feel in not being able to handle your teen will diminish if you can laugh about it privately and not go ballistic. Keep a serious face when you question your teen on any misbehavior but think at the back of your mind that ‘the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!’ With that attitude, you will be more effective in disciplining your kids.