From the time we are able to grasp objects females are often set on the path to motherhood.  First as babies we’re given soft, cuddly teddy bears, and doppelganger baby dolls sometimes as large as the female toddlers who own them.  As we get a little bit older along come the even more life-likedolls that can cry, eat and even poop! In contrast, as children our male counterparts will often receive toys that reflect adult masculinity—superhero action figures, race cars, fighter jets, remote controlled speed boats, etc.  Rarely would you see a male toddler with a doll, even a male doll.

What’s notable is the fact that these gender defining toys are often bought by mothers who may even become upset if their toddler sons show any interest in dolls, or in activities such as hosting tea parties.  Yet we will often fault men who as adults do not feel any strong desire to nurture the children they have sired or help out with household duties.  Thus, before we’re even able to menstruate, most females are indoctrinated with the idea that we SHOULD be maternal and that we all possess those renowned “maternal instincts”.

For a brief time during our juvenile years we may be discouraged from any notion of producing children. However, soon after we enter our adulthood the social and psychological pressures often return for women to produce children. Whether or not we are married, women are constantly under pressure from other women as well as men, to produce evidence of their femininity by giving birth to and rearing children.  The longer we wait to fulfill our womanly duties and produce an offspring, the more others become convinced that we’re too selfish, we must be infertile, or both.

What exactly is this instinct that is supposed to be hardwired between our ovaries and brain, to ensure that all females want to nurture children? Maternal instinct is characterized by some expertsas the inherent bond that develops between a woman and her offspring.  This bond is supposed to dictate the woman’s desire to nurture her child.

It is not uncommon to hear some women who choose to have children say that they have always wanted to be mothers. They will often talk about the “joys of motherhood”.   On the other hand there are some women who will admit that they are unsure about whether they want to have children at all.  If they are really brave, they will acknowledge that that they do not feel any maternal instincts in regards to having a baby.

Very often those maternal instinct deficient women are told that things will change the moment they hold their precious little bundles of joy. However, what if it doesn’t? What if going through pregnancy and delivering a baby fails to stir up those dormant or perhaps non-existent feelings of motherhood? Are some women truly not endowed to be mothers? Should they risk bringing a human being into the world, who will be absent a biological mother who has the nurturing capacity to raise that child? Whatever the series of events that dictate a woman’s actions, it is always a tragedy when maternal instincts fail to emerge after a child is born, or they go awry and result in destructive behavior.

For the past month and a half there has been media frenzy centered on the Casey Anthony trial. During the trial the Prosecution attempted to paint her as a woman with few maternal instincts, who despised the fact that her daughter was getting in the way of her carefree lifestyle. I have often wondered about this strategy since all of the images of Casey Anthony and Caylee appear to show a woman who spent lots of happy times with her daughter. Instead of a deliberate act of murder, could it have truly been an accidental instance of a drug overdose or some other event that took the life of this innocent child? 

Perhaps we will never know the whole truth about this tragic incident, and absent many of the classic signs of a severe psychological breakdown that has been evident in other cases wherewomen have murdered their own children, it is hard to reconcile dozens of smiling mother/daughter photos with a coldblooded child murderer who would dump the body of that sweet, innocent little girl in the woods like a bit of trash.

Horror stories about the deliberate injury and deaths of children at the hands of their biological mothers do raise questions about whether some women just do not have those natural instincts to love and nurture children. How can a mother beat or stab her children to death?  What about those women who knowingly allow their children to be sexually abused by pedophiles or attempt to sellsexually explicit images of their children online to such monsters? Are these women who lack maternal instincts from before they had children, or are there additional factors that have eroded their natural capacity to shield instead of exploit their innocent children?

The truth is that many women, even the ones that claim to be natural born mothers, are not prepared for just what it will take to raise a child. Even the “mother of the year” will go through some nerve-wrecking episodes of childrearing. Often what is important is that women have a support system in place to help them to cope. Motherhood isn’t just a full-time job, it is a lifetime job. A mother can’t just clock out at 5:30 pm or on weekends. Her duties start before her child is even born and continue 24/7 throughout the life of her child. Even as adults her children are seen as a testament to a woman’s childrearing abilities.

In the absence of a support system such as a spouse or other family members, some women just do not have the capacity to cope with motherhood. Too often society will frown on women who admit that they can not cope with their motherly responsibilities--be it financial, physical or psychological. These women are often labeled as ”bad mothers”, and seen as parasites feeding off the system, especially if they seek out financial assistance from government sources to help care for their children.  Ironically, women are also punished severely and branded with a Scarlet Letter “A” if they decide to have an abortion for whatever complex reasons they feel will prevent them from being able to carry out those maternal duties. 

Just last Friday a mother reached her breaking point and decided to drop off her autistic son at a hospital in Fort Lauderdale.  She didn’t feel that she could cope with him any longer given the other circumstances in her life.  Does it mean that her maternal instincts short circuited? Some women will judge her as being weak and selfish, but could this unfortunate incident have ended worse? What if she had decided that the best way to deal with her struggles to care for her child was to take his life?  Surely, abandoning the child at the hospital is a far better, though still a tragic choice for a mother to have to make. 

What about women who never have biological offspring, but who end up nurturing children? Are they any less maternal because their womb did not actually produce a child? Very often biological mothers will use the refrain, “you can’t possibly understand what it’s like to be a mother because you don’t have children of your own”. If our maternal instincts are indeed hardwired in our X chromosomes and inherently ingrained in our psyche, doesn’t it mean that whether or not a woman physically produces a child, she still has the capacity to be just as maternal, or even more so that someone who happens to be the biological parent?