“I’m sorry, I was wrong, will you forgive me? Yes, I forgive you.”

These words were first taught to me in a class I took in 1982 and they changed my life. It’s easy to say you are sorry. “I’m sorry you’re mad, I’m sorry I got caught, I’m sorry you’re crying, etc.”  But to actually admit what you did was wrong is a new idea! We taught our children to say these words whenever an offense occurred. Now they teach them to our grandchildren. The words, “I forgive you,” carry a lot of weight as well.

We live in a world where people say “Oh, that’s okay…” when wrongs have been done and it’s really not okay at all. Sadly, this causes all kinds of additional ills as we put on a happy face and stuff our rage deep inside, because it was NOT “okay”! Instead, we need to actually confess the sin, then forgive it.

What is forgiveness really? I believe forgiveness is releasing a debt that is rightly owed to you. I both love and hate the words of the Lord’s Prayer, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” I love and cherish forgiveness from God, but sometimes I really struggle with forgiving others. I hate to think the debts I refuse to forgive are also held against me. OUCH!

You may think, “No one owes me anything, therefore I have nothing to forgive.” Chances are that someone has wounded you somewhere in this broken world and owes you a debt they cannot or will not pay. Recently my friend sat in a casual group of fifteen women. Thirteen members of the group reported that they had been deserted, molested or abused by their fathers. Those are such big issues to forgive and may take years to heal. There is so much pain in this world! If you hurt, you are not alone.

I imagine unforgiveness is like a giant splinter stuck into my skin. The wound is painful and it’s festering. Someone "stuck it to me" and then walked away. Now I am hurting and throbbing. I have choices I need to make. I can cover the splinter with clothing and pretend it never happened. This can work for a while, but I will be sick. Infection will set in and the problem will grow.

If some unsuspecting person brushes against my wound with a thoughtless gesture or remark, “Watch out!” I will respond with all of my pain at the wrong time in the wrong place because I have not taken care of my wound. I may tell you20off when you didn’t do a thing wrong, because I’m just speaking out of my pain.

If the splinter is deep, I may need help to remove it. I can go to God for help to forgive. I think that’s called GRACE. His gentle spiritual “hand” can loosen the splinter and begin to work it out of my soul and body. If the wound has festered badly, I may still need more help to recover. Counseling can also bring deeper healing as well.

Forgiveness does not mean that an offender has the right to continue to bring harm. If an offense has been forgiven, the debt has been released, but the offender does not have the right to continue to hurt you. Trust is an entirely separate issue. Someone who has betrayed another may be released of the debt owed, but may not have earned back that person’s trust. Loving boundaries are appropriate until trust can be rebuilt.

Whenever someone cries out, “Why won’t God do something?” I usually wonder if unforgiveness and bitterness are interfering with the flow of the Holy Spirit in the situation. Unforgiveness can keep us from our blessings!

Forgiveness isn’t a suggestion, it’s a command. I try to forgive others or at least I think I do. There have been times when I have thought that I had forgiveness toward another and later discovered that t here was a lot more work to be done. Forgiveness is something we all need to do on a regular and consistent b asis. I see forgiveness as a part of personal spiritual hygiene. We wash our hands and brush our teeth, we forgive others… When we are quick to forgive at all times, we can walk closer to Jesus every moment of the day. Then we can enjoy the spiritual fruits.  Ah yes, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control… my favorite fruits of life.

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