Married authors, Dr. David and Lisa Frisbie, serve as co-directors of The Center for Marriage & Family Studies, and in their newest book, The Soul-Mate Marriage, they coin a term every single adult needs to understand before considering remarriage. From their many years of counseling with adults, married/divorced/widowed, a common theme continues to rise to the surface. "Successful long-term marriages are very good at birthing the real. That is, these relationships are places where two mature adults bring a high level of self-awareness into the marriage, and then go on from self-awareness to a realistic, reasonable, clear-eyed view of the relationship itself. These couples risk more, give more...and ultimately receive more."

Write the Frisbies, "Birthing the real is about knowing yourself, seeing clearly, and growing up." Oftentimes, young, as in chronologically young marriages, men and women marry before they understand who they are as persons and as the marriage unravels they blame everyone around them for the breakup. What is hopeful, say the authors, is that older couples (above the age of 30) that remarry have a high rate of success because they've done the hard work of learning from earlier missteps.

One of the most valuable assets an adult who's considering remarriage has is their friends. The authors explain that cultivating friendships that are long lasting, with mature men and women, can help singles immensely as they evaluate the wisdom of potential new romantic relationships. These friends can serve as guardians, watchdogs, and counselors who speak the truth into the singles' lives. If there is an absence of such perceptive voices in an individual's life (seen in the guise of wise friends), it might also indicate a similar lack of maturity that will carry over into any future marriage relationship. People really do become like those they are closest to and with whom they spend the most time...so choose friends with care, because they have more of a say in your future than you might realize.
 

 

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