Using Past Successes to Build a Bright Future

In aftermath of a painful divorce, men and women alike may find themselves feeling higher degrees of uncertainty, internal hesitation, and a general reticence to venture into new territory. Decision-making often brings on a sudden and unexpected rush of paralyzing fear and insecurity.  Understandably, there is a period of time where introspection and inner-questioning appropriately ensues after such a major life change as divorce. Individuals are prudent to ask themselves the difficult and hard questions as it pertains to their former marital relationship. It would be unwise not to take a look back and make corrective choices for the future.

So saying, those who’ve recently endured the hard struggles of a separation and breakup, need to also take a hindsight look at what they did right (within the framework of the relationship and as parents to their children). Everyone makes mistakes. Similarly, everyone finds areas where they have succeeded, where they discovered a hidden talent or a budding interest that worked for them. It is in just such particular places (and memories) where moms and dads can find a measure of confidence for new challenges that lay ahead.

• Use past successes as the springboard for tomorrow. Make a list of specific accomplishments, talents, and skills. Next to each one, take a moment to thoughtfully consider a specific occasion when you used your ability in a way that made a difference in your life or another’s.
• Make plans on paper. Using pen and paper, write out short and long-term goals. Think ahead, by weeks, months, even years. With some mental flexibility, get practical in making such plans part of your future.
• Be willing to remember. Memories bring forth both positive and negative emotions. Don’t forsake one for the other, be courageous enough to take a realistic and accurate look at your major life choices and learn from both.
• Finding fresh counsel for a different journey. Ask for outside perspectives from trusted friends or family. See your past, the good and the bad, through another’s eyes. Then, be open to suggestions for forging a completely different path or simply making minor alterations.

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