After a separation or divorce (okay, be honest...even before a separation or divorce) holidays (and how we celebrate them) continue to rank near the top of the ongoing stress issues in families. Given our lack of time, financial constraints, and the incessant juggling of multiple invitations that frequently overlap on the same day...is it any wonder parents have an especially difficult time before, during, and after the holidays?

Contrary to what the media overtly suggests, a time of celebration and sharing doesn't occur automatically because of the calendar date. There has to be more than following through dutifully on holiday expectations, and this burden weighs even heavier after a divorce. What was once a single-family unit trying to accommodate extended family, friends, and colleagues multiplies significantly when a couple separates. Sadly, it is the children who frequently get caught in the middle. Read below for some simple suggestions on initiating compromises that are practically painless.

• Cultivate a spirit of flexibility. Instead of rigidly demanding holiday time on the actual calendar date, choose a before/after day and be surprised how much everyone will appreciate that gesture alone. The focus should always be on relishing the company we share, the food we enjoy, and the family traditions, none of which are limited by a calendar.
• Trade actual holidays with your ex-spouse. Instead of arguing about who will get the kids for every literal holiday, institute an every-other-holiday plan and stick with it. Remind any extended family members that this is the most equitable way work it out and makes months ahead planning a cinch.
• Let hospitality be your motto. On those holidays when the children are visiting their other parent, don't spend the day alone (and lonely). Plan to invite others into your home and make it an event your friends and family will remember. Create a day that shouts celebration and one you'll recall with real pleasure.

Michele Howe, author
Still Going It Alone: Mothering with Faith and Finesse
Single Parenting Columnist
www.Bizymoms.com
 

 

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