One of the biggest mistakes a single mom or dad can make is to fail to take personal responsibility for their poor decisions as it affects the family. In some strange way, many adults believe that if they don’t discuss a problem (even an overt problematic one) that the repercussions will magically disappear. They mistakenly believe their kids won’t notice. But they do.

Sure, it’s painful to acknowledge when we’re wrong. It can be especially stretching to sit your children down and ask for their forgiveness for your own missteps (intentional or not). But it’s also the first step to a new start, a far more healthy beginning. And asking for pardon is simply asking for grace. It’s communicating how much you care for the other person, how deeply you value the relationship. When you demonstrate genuine humility, others will be far more likely to follow your example when it’s their turn to seek restoration. This give and take of humble transparency is what builds strong, emotionally vibrant relationships. And that’s what every mom and dad works toward achieving, right?

• As a parent, take note of verbal (non-verbal) cues from your kids when specific topics or events from the past are brought up. Do your children ever get agitated, upset, or impatient when talks of certain occasions arise? Gently probe the subject by asking questions that require more than a simple yes/no response. Listen carefully and wait for your children to find words to describe what they are feeling. Then, talk it through and be ready (and willing) to hear their perception of what transpired.
• Recognize your responsibility as the parent to lead the way in repairing any damage done between you and your kids. As the adult, you are far more skilled in communicating your own weaknesses to your kids and contrary to what some believe; your children will respect you more when they know you are willing to ask for forgiveness when in error. Parents who honestly admit to their mistakes (and change their behaviors) will command far more respect (and love) than they might expect.
• Take note of the difference between apologizing and asking for forgiveness. A good rule of thumb to follow is this: apologies are for mistakes like spilling coffee on someone. Asking for forgiveness is required when you realize you intentionally (or unintentionally) caused harm or injury to another person through your actions/words/choices. Forgiveness requires an exchange between two parties until it is complete.

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