One of the last things recently divorced moms or dads want is to initiate more communication with their former spouse. What their kids likely need though is more communication with their non-custodial parent. So what's a parent to do?

See the bigger picture. Take the higher road for the sake of the children. And surprisingly, there are some pretty painless ways single parents can encourage consistent, positive interaction with their ex-spouses. The dividends, as evidenced in the lives of their children, will speak for themselves.

• Help children make home videos to send to their other parent. When one parent has moved away, the custodial parent can encourage closeness between the absent mom or dad and their child by taping sporting events/school programs/holidays/birthday celebrations and sending it via regular mail and/or online. What is does: sparks fresh conversation and keeps the relationship current.
• Reach out with a shared journal. Have kids write a "What I did this weekend" page each week and send it to their parent. Have the other parent write the next entry telling what they did that week and return it to their child. Kids appreciate the "give and take" of this exercise and appreciate being able to handle something tangible their mom or dad touched, wrote in, and contributed to. What it does: encourages a real sense of emotional intimacy and bonding.
• Start a never-ending scrapbook. Whenever your child attends a special event, goes to a movie, zoo, sporting event, out to dinner, to a birthday party, set aside a token of remembrance to send to their parent. Kids can write a short note or email their parent about the token and its significance, explaining what was the best part of that experience to mom or dad. The parent can then keep the mementoes in a box or pasted in a scrapbook to be looked over and shared when the child actually visits. What it does: helps children realize that their parent is still aware of and interested in their lives.

Back to Top