When author and one time single mom, Allison Bottke, entered her adult son’s apartment during a SWAT team raid, she realized she needed to make a drastic change in the way she was living. No longer could she be held hostage, emotionally and financially, by her son’s irresponsible and wayward lifestyle. Bottke, author of, “Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children” explains that there are two kinds of responses for parents of dysfunctional children. The first (and right) response helps another person do something they are not capable of doing for himself. The second (and ultimately harmful) response is doing for another person what they could and should be doing for himself, thus enabling harmful behavior to continue indefinitely.

Bottke understands the painful struggles between these two continuums and says many moms and dads feel reluctant to take action because of a combination of fear and guilt. Parents are afraid of what might happen if they stop taking responsibility for their adult children’s mistakes, so they cushion the repercussions by stepping in and repeatedly bailing their kids out of any sort of trouble.  They similarly feel regret over their own poor choices that may have contributed to their child’s current struggles. Rather than allowing adult children to own their choices, some parents inordinately blame themselves, never moving beyond the past. Everyone suffers.

This author has discovered a better way through her Six Steps to SANITY.

    * S = STOP your own negative behavior (especially the flow of money)
    * A = ASSEMBLE a support group
    * N = NIP excuses in the bud
    * I = IMPLEMENT rules and boundaries
    * T = TRUST your instincts
    * Y = YIELD everything to God

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