I can remember back to when I was learning to drive a car. I was one of those people who had to take the driving test several times before passing. When I first started to learn to drive I was nervous, then I eventually started to become confident. But you must understand that in part having a confident attitude is about you convincing yourself that you can do it, that “can do” attitude. The problem is that the moment that confident attitude falters, you can mess up. When I finally passed my test was when I became relaxed in my attitude. The way I look at it being relaxed doing something is when it becomes like second nature, when it seems to become part of who you are. The same thing happened to me when learning Spanish. Initially I was nervous, then, gradually over time, I began to become confident in the language. However at that time I would still have days when I didn’t understand something properly or could not seem to get my point across and suddenly my confidence would come crashing down. Today I am very relaxed speaking Spanish and completely fluent. You become relaxed when you have a mastery over something. But what about life itself? Do we always have to go through life getting nervous every time we do something different to what we are used to? Well I think the answer is yes, it even gives us a bit of an edge, the edgy feeling we get when we start something new, it makes us hyper vigilant paying attention to all new stimuli equally. However we don’t have to get so nervous as we used to in the past because we have more experience of learning to handle new situations in the past. Take the example of a job: A job is composed of a number of skills/abilities we have to acquire in different areas. Coming to a new job we may be highly competent in some areas but deficient in others. So when assessing overall competence in the job we must recognize that this must be assessed by the various competencies we have in a host of different areas. In some jobs it is just a case of mastering a set of different roles/abilities which define the job, many jobs are like that. A bank manager for example or a technical support person, there may be times when some changes are introduced into the systems where the level of stress will increase for a while but in general once you have mastered what is involved in the job you should be able to carry it out in a relaxed manner. There are some jobs however where you are always working on a new project, and each project has new elements that you have to master. Maybe you have to travel to new client sites, possibly in different countries. So how do people handle the stress of this type of job where there is a learning curve on every new project, where they get that edgy nervous feeling every time a new project is started? - Well they start by relaxing on the flight over, because they have flown to job sites many times before. - They check into a hotel and relax maybe take a sauna or a long soak in the tub. - They read some information about the upcoming job, they have already read this, they are just reminding themselves, but they do not spend much time on this. - They have a good meal and may be drink some wine or a beer with it. - They relax, watch a movie and get an early night. - The next morning they are fresh and ready to go, and so chilled out that they look forward to the edginess that comes with a new project - They have a generic agenda in mind when they talk to the client - They do not place any expectations on what they might achieve in the first few days - They play it by ear, gaining in confidence as the learn more about what needs to be done and the people they will be working with So what are the key elements here? 1. They are as relaxed as they possibly can be doing anything which is common to all jobs 2. They prepare themselves as much as they are able to for the upcoming job but do not obsess about it 3. They have the attitude that they will be able to take everything in their stride 4. They initially place no expectations on their performance 5. They use their edginess and nervous energy to their advantage being very observant of all the potential elements of the job and of the people they will be working with So is there anything we can learn from this to be calmer and less stressed as we go through life? I think there is, here is my breakdown: 1. Relaxed attitude – when you are not dealing with anything new try to be as relaxed as you possibly can, meditate, do physical exercises like yoga, go for walks in nature. When you are with friends try to create a relaxed laid back atmosphere as much as possible 2. Relaxed preparation – try to be aware of what may be coming up in life and inform yourself as far ahead of time as possible giving yourself time to get ready but don’t overdo it and obsess about it. 3. Quiet confidence – bring to mind your past successes in dealing with new situations when a life change is approaching 4. Relaxed assessment – measure your progress realistically in a new situation, don’t set yourself unrealistic expectations, mentally reward yourself for progress and don’t become impatient or beat yourself up where it may take time to adapt to the new situation 5. Live in the moment – as you progress through a new change live through it one day at a time, be aware of what is going on around you and new people you have come in contact with. Whatever you get in life try to make the most of it, some changes might seem fun, others may be the last thing you want, but the more you can relax and try to make the most of each new day the better you can handle whatever life may throw at you.
Article Source: http://www.bizymoms.com/expert-advice
My name is Simon Meadowcroft, I am a writer in the field of personal development, my objective is to try to enlighten people in some way however small that will lead to them becoming more fulfilled in their lives. If you like what I have to say and want to hear more, please let me know at simonmaya@yahoo.com.