It's acceptable to put your gas mask on before attempting to help others surrounding you as the aircraft you're in manages to lose cabin pressure. At a minimum of we understand the idea rationally on a physical level. If your brain isn't oxygenated, it will not work too well. Both you and the infant or elderly person next to you could all asphyxiate. When it comes to real, daily life, the idea finds thin soil in which to grow and become a fact in real peoples' lives. Yes, we recognize that if I am hungry, I have to eat. If you eat that will not help me. We get that, but it seems we fail to see it works the same way for all our needs, the emotional, the spiritual, the social, etc. "But isn't that selfish to take care of myself first?" No one wants to be seen as selfish so we have trouble accepting this good idea. However, the formula for health in relationship is: take care of self first and others second. Taking care of self only is narcissism (true selfishness). Taking care of others only is martyrdom (selflessness). The balance point is, "I count, you count," in that order. I take care of my needs first and then I am in good shape to attend to you and your projects. The middle ground, the balance point, is self-fullness: I count, you count. Me first for me and you first for you. Then we share with each other what (time, energy etc.) we have left over. What a relief it is to have a partner you can trust to be in good shape. I give you me in good shape and well cared for and you give me the same thing. This is a sustainable formula for durable relationship. Great idea. Not easy to practice. But it can be done and couples are learning how. A good coach or counselor can help speed the process up. Emotional intelligence can be improved.
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