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Four ways to enlist family cooperation around the house ~ Brenda Spandrio

A common complaint from Moms through the ages is the lack of help and support from the family for the day to day operation of the home. Time after time, it’s Mom who ends up washing all the dishes, cleaning all the bathrooms and doing all the laundry, with little, (if any) appreciation from the beneficiaries. However, we Moms frequently assume that the rest of the family will see that we are working hard and volunteer to help, but they actually need our guidance to learn to do so. Here are some tips to enlist cooperation:

ASK! The simple solution is to request assistance. Ask a specific person to attend to a specific task: “Johnny, please come dry the silverware and put it in the drawer.”
EXPECT! Too often the family has not been trained to expect to help out. The older the kids get, the less trainable they are, but it can be done. The first way to change expectations is to map out a strategy. Assign duties as appropriate to age and abilities, with consequences (both positive and negative) for not following through.
ENGAGE! Make it desirable for the children to help. For example, whoever is assigned “Kitchen Duty” not only gets one-on-one time with Mom while cleaning up, but also gets to use a special drinking glass for the day, have a special dessert or other appropriate “perk.” The child responsible for the bathrooms that day (or week, depending on how your family operates) gets bubbles at bath time while no else does.
APPRECIATE! We Moms are frequently guilty of withholding praise from our family when they DO try to help. It is not necessary to “gush” or exaggerate, but expressing gratitude for effort can encourage kids (and Dads!) to repeat the appreciated behavior.

The family will need time to adapt to the new requirements, but that adaptation will happen much more quickly if Mom stays calm and upbeat. Nothing will spoil the progress made than to threaten and demand as we have so often before. Keep in mind that, as the Mom, we have control over the atmosphere of the home. As Gandhi stated, “Be the change you wish to see…”