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By Hsiao-Ling Dawson

Being in a business of my own has significantly expanded my experience of who I am. In fact, I am not the same person who I know myself to be. Of course, there are still “things” I say to others about “me”– “I am not outgoing,” or “I don’t do that.” I notice when I am having such conversations– that is just the way it is– about my business, or life in general, I leave no room for what is possible, and I am literally limiting myself to win the game that I have created for my business.

Think back about how you were when you played in a game with your friends. Did you play to win? Or did you just go through the motion because you did not think that you are going to win anyway? Consider this: how you and I play the game is how you and I run a business, or how we go about our job. We may not relate to our business or job as a game, but when you look closely, you actually see we approach them with the same attitude. For me, “playing a game” occurs “When you play a game, someone must win, and someone must lose. I am going to be the one who loses.” So, I don’t really enjoy playing games, not even the Monopoly board game!! I am afraid that I am going to lose, or fail the game, so I play hard, and become competitive. In fact, I could hear myself saying, “I have to win!!” It is no accident that I study hard and work hard throughout my life when, in fact, I have been being someone who “is afraid to lose, so will work hard to win.” I work hard to be successful, but the truth is I do not experience a sense of fulfillment or inspiration. It has always left me with “I have to work hard to make things happen.” Interestingly enough, when I ask others about what my strengths are, one consistent answer is “Hsiao-Ling is a hard worker.” I don’t think I truly enjoy that compliment anymore. What lies underneath is no sense of joy, but struggle. In fact, what it really says about me is that I am a loser. Think about this: who is someone that HAS TO WIN? Or worried about not winning? Not a winner, but a loser. It is just like someone has to do everything perfect because he or she is afraid that others may find out that he or she is not perfect. The logic is inescapable!!

So, I started questioning: Could it be possible that I can still win the game of life without a lot of effort? That inquiry is so radical that I have to confront the thoughts of how I perceive “playing games,” and a notion that our society instills in us: working hard is a virtu, and is the only pathway to success. Or something like this: if you didn’t have the result you want in your business, then just work harder.

I interviewed several people around me who live their life with fulfillment and power, and I find out they are always the most fun people to be around. I mean, they don’t relate to themselves as a “hard worker,” but fun and at ease with whatever they are doing. They are inspirational, peaceful, and playful. Just take a few moments to think about this.....someone in your life that you consider inspirational and fulfilled....what are they like? Are they someone who is worried about failing? Are they caught up with small problems, like, “This business doesn’t work at all because hundreds of people say NO to my products and services.” Or, are they someone who creates a “big game” for themselves, and plays full out with no attachment to the outcome, regardless of the circumstances? I say this often to a group of people that I am currently coaching: If you are a woman, you don’t worry about how to be a woman— because you already are!! And you will naturally take actions that a woman would do. In other words, when who you say you are is a successful business woman, then your actions and thoughts will be correlated as a successful business woman (verses a fearful business woman). Then, of course, you will have the results that a successful business woman will have. “Working hard” happens when you work on how to be successful. There is no obvious joy or fulfillment about seeing yourself as unsuccessful, and working hard to be successful. You will always be chasing after a goal.

How do you then win at the game that you have created for your business, and not work hard? There are four pillars that will support you in winning the game with fun and ease. The first pillar is Integrity. Integrity, at its basic level, is doing what you said when you said you would do it, and doing it on time. Ultimately, honoring your word as yourself. When I say “honor,” I mean whatever comes out of my mouth is precious. I treat my word with deep respect. If I say I will make ten contacts everyday, it is ten contacts, not 9. It is not I will make ten contacts except if I don’t feel like it. When I look at why my business is not working as well as I would like it to, it is because I don’t honor my promises. The fact is when I am tired, or I run out of people to talk to, instead of honoring my word, I displace my word with circumstances– I have explanations as to why I can’t keep my promises. This is when business becomes “hard,” rather than fun. I am letting my circumstances tell me how my business should go. It is like I am letting the circumstances be responsible for why things are not working. If you are wondering why things don’t work in your business, or why your business is struggling, consider that your integrity may be lacking— I am not saying that you failed, or did something wrong. I mean you have not kept your promises on your daily actions, and you have not honored your word. How simple is that!! If I say ten contacts, and I talk to 8 by 9pm, I still have my promise to talk to 2 more people. And if I take action, and am still not able to reach 10, I have only one thing to say: I made a promise, and I broke my word. End of the story—no blaming or guilty. Now, what is the next action I will take tomorrow? Why business does not work is not because there is not enough money to invest, the products are not good, the economy is bad, the company’s policy is bad, or friends and family are not supportive. None of the psychological reasons why things don’t work. It is when you don’t honor what you say you would do, nothing works. You may produce passable results, but not the results that sustain. If you build the muscle of integrity: making a promise and keeping it over and over, you become someone who when you say something, it happens.

The next pillar is Relationship. People in our life become resources for us. People may be the coaches for our game. Powerful people are not “independent people,” or “lone rangers.” Powerful people don’t work alone. They create alliances with others, and they have an abundant resource. They network. When I take a look at my current business verses the other businesses that I have had before, I notice one of the reasons I am having fun now is because I have created partnership with my circle of friends, and local business owners. I allow others to contribute to me.

The third pillar is Existence. By existence, I don’t mean your business exists, but how your business exists. Have you noticed that when you produce results effortlessly in your business, it is usually when you are inspired by the possibility you created in your business? Human beings share possibility when inspired. Possibility lives in shared conversation. Conversations by their nature go out of existence unless managed. When you don’t share with others about how your products or services can make a difference in people’s life, no results will ever show up. Keeping that possibility in existence requires having a structure—for example, milestones, a visual display, a tracking form, etc. You need to have something to keep your game alive in distance, time, and form—i.e., I will share (form) with ten people at the networking meeting (distance) by 4pm (time). I see when I make a specific promise, I am keeping my game alive in reality. You need to keep the existence of your game up to date with accurate information. Can you imagine running a successful business without structure, and existence?!

The last pillar is Sharing. Sharing is not talking about something. It is that you are there to make a difference in someone’s life, being a contribution, a gift to another human being. It is causing possibilities to be present for another person such that they are inspired by what would be possible for themselves.

Putting these four practices in your daily actions as you build your business. Make a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and keep it. The moment you realize you are having a conversation about why you cannot keep your promise, call your coach, or sponsor. Re-promise with distance, time, and form in your make up plan. Go out and being in action. You will then experience yourself as someone who is always being in actions, powerful, and most importantly, winning at the game that you have created!!!